i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You've changed since you got that strap on
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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