can we get nightvision for the apartment?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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