census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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