There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
