i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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