You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
