just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
