Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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