I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
