I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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