Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
