"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
