btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
