Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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