I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
