dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
