Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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