You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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