I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
