I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
