don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
