i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
