My hand turned me down
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
