She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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