Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
