he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
