you didnt know i had herpes?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
