hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
