my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
