Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
