Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize