PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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