Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
