Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Someone signed my nipple.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
