I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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