Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
