I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
