Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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