i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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