At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
