It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
