Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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