Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
