i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize