I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
