i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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