this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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