at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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