please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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