I'm drive I can fine osifer
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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