Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize