Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
