This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
