I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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