Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
