we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my poor anus
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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