just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
not ubering you a puppy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
