I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
