I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
