Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
