i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
soo... how was my night?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
