okay pat passed out under dana's car
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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