That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
