you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
